OK, so in view of my goals for the year I have taken action and joined an online dating site. My goals in this, at least 1 date per weekend, at least one second date with 25% of the men I meet, and obviously, to have sex.
Draw backs, general anxiety and WTF$#%# am I doing feeling constantly, also, have yet to get my tattoo. For years I have planned on getting the owl of Athena tattooed on me while I was still virgin as a symbol of something that has been a huge part of my life thus far. I have been ridiculously lazy about this, I need to just face the needle and get it over with (am I talking about the tattoo or the sex?!).
Anyways, as I have aforementioned, all the men I have been seeing this summer, I am done with. The ones who I am attracted to are flighty and unemployed, also not attracted to me, and the ones attracted to me, I am most definitely not attracted to. So, bring on the new crop.
So far, I have met with two guys. My first foray was a coffee date with a nice Hindi boy. Now, shame on me, because I met him on the conditions of friendship and not in a romantic expectation. This is me being a coward. He is a sweet boy, but when I say boy, I mean boy. He is tiny, short, and young. Also, he is apparently waiting for marriage to have sex. I am wasting my time and his, neither of us are interested in each other. However, he has a positive happy outlook, and his energy is a comfort to be around, so I made a decision to keep hanging out with him, we may not be a match, but he has a good energy, and I need positive energy in my life.
The other guy is a shy squirrel of a man. He is smart, well educated and traveled, but boy is he shy. We went for drinks the other night, and I must say he is quite cute, but his personality must have been dropped out the window during a road trip as a child, because I couldn't find it for the life of me. I asked him many many questions, but his answers were short and uninformative. We have much in common, but he did not seem to care, in fact, he did not seem to care about anything in particular for 90 minutes. Why is he on a dating site if not to talk to and meet women? I mean, HELLO?! I am here, and I am obviously interested, or else I would not have asked you to meet me, so open your goddamn mouth and say something, it could be the most boring thing in the world, I wouldn't care, as long as there is conversation, that is how to get to know someone!
Everyone, I apologize for that outburst, I do not intend for this to be a place for me to whine and bitch about men. In fact, this has taught me something, I am too shy and quiet myself. I suck at communication, obviously ;). But no, really, I am the worst with verbally communicating my needs and opening myself to other people. Yay! I am making progress!! Right? RIGHT?! ;)
Back to my quiet date, it is funny, it was 90 minutes before I was able to get him to put more than two words together. Then, miraculously, I brought up computer games. Wow. All of the sudden, Athena can't get a word in edgewise!! It was like I hit the start button, he became animated, open, honest, and even kind of funny. Now, I cannot spend the rest of my life, or really even fife more minutes with someone who is that quiet, but I am glad he eventually became at ease with me, and that I could see that side of the guy. Shyness often comes off as being arrogant, something I know to be careful of, I wish others could see how uncomfortable it makes people, but I, of all people, understand how hard it is to open up.
We all have things to work on. I need to work on not being a judgmental ass-hat, and give people the benefit of the doubt, and help them to come out of their shells, and show me who they really are.
2 dates down people! I've even seen the Hindi boy again, so that is one 2nd date for me! We have a few more lined up, Athena plans to have lots to tell.
Namaste, Bitches.
Athena
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wanted and needed changes.
First some words of wisdom from Calypso:
dude, he is not going to back out, stop being so negative, he can sense that, u need to call him up and invite him to a small meal, tapas or something in ur neighborhood..
not a big deal, no bells or whistles needed...u need to talk ur self up and know that u are confident and know that he wants u, not u wanting him
The Change:
It’s been a while, because let’s be honest, a virgin my age doesn’t get a lot of action. Oh yes, it has definitely been a while….
On my 29th birthday I made a decision, for better or worse, this is the last year I am going to be a powerful parthenoi.
I used my virginity as a character building exercise, and a way to get into the mindset of what it is like to be a virgin out in our society today. Now, I know. I am ready for something else, and to explore the different aspects there are of human interaction.
Last week, an old friend came into town. She has always been my virginity mentor/sympathizer. At 32 she is still a virgin, and confesses to not understand ‘how things work down there’. Like me, she doesn’t like the idea of having to be ‘penetrated’ as it were.
The Ancient Greeks have a concept about the body, the outside of the skin is profane, and dirty, but the inside is mysterious and sacred. This is why virginity in females was so coveted and honored in their religious beliefs.
Artemis and I have issues with things piercing our bodies. I find it very nice to not deal with having to be penetrated, and communicating and relating on a more profane level, rather than bringing in the sacredness of intercourse. I suppose I am ready for the sacred acts which most mortals participate, and I am ready to find myself in a compromising position, as it were.
Last night I had a chat with two fellow virgin women, one 28 the other 33, the 33 year old happens to be my sister. If we were in ancient Rome we could be honored Vestal Virgins, but in other periods we would be considered the dreaded “spinster”. My sister refuses to allow me a cat for this specific reason though she cites imaginary allergies. The conversation was about how they had achieved a sort of peace about their situations, and how they have accepted it. At their core they are ready to just let the world bring what it may. I love this concept, and I love this idea, I have had these exact same feelings since I was 8 years old.
The world is what it is, and my life is full, happy, adventurous and exciting. It was on my 29th birthday that my feelings changed. I love my life, I love who I am, a unique, beautiful and intelligent yet kind of bat-shit crazy woman. What has started to bother me is the lack of knowledge. My life goal is to be smart, wise and experienced. So this is a part where I may be smart and a bit wise and experienced, but I want to explore it more, and I do not want to be ashamed of that.
I want to be more confident, and I will not be until I understand this part of humanity better, or at least, it couldn’t hurt. This is a part of my continuing education, and I need to approach it as such, now my goal is to find a teacher or tutor who can help with my education.
So, here are some of my experiences so far:
Hephaistos:
Let it be known that full time school and work at the same time SUCKS. It made me edgy, crazy, and anxious. I did it with flying colors, but DAMN. My first semester in school there was one boy in our class (eligible one that is), he would sit in the corner trying desperately to be quiet and invisible, but get so frustrated he would get up and dominate the class discussion each time. Smart and nerdy, I was definitely intrigued. After two more quarters I finally started to chat with him on facebook, and eventually asked him to coffee. (I am going to add in lots of my process and steps so you know exactly how not to date)
Our first meeting for coffee was a bit ridiculous. We got so lost in conversation that the shop closed while we were in it and they had to kick us out. Basically, at our first real encounter, I knew I really liked him, he’s sweet, funny, and we have a ton in common. However, I immediately noticed that I was incredibly not attracted to him. At all. It was sad, here is a perfectly amazing man, and I just wasn’t feeling the chemistry. Let’s all remember here, I am not looking for someone to marry, I am looking for someone to teach me the ways of a gorgeous sexual history.
As of right now, four months later, we are still casually dating; twice I’ve let him put his arm around me. I know, I’m pathetic. He’s awesome, but he’s not for me. I don’t want to hurt him, but he isn’t enough for me at the moment, and I am still looking around at the scenery for some kind of spark.
More to come later. Hephaistos is out of town for a few weeks, so we will see what kind of trouble I can get myself into.
dude, he is not going to back out, stop being so negative, he can sense that, u need to call him up and invite him to a small meal, tapas or something in ur neighborhood..
not a big deal, no bells or whistles needed...u need to talk ur self up and know that u are confident and know that he wants u, not u wanting him
The Change:
It’s been a while, because let’s be honest, a virgin my age doesn’t get a lot of action. Oh yes, it has definitely been a while….
On my 29th birthday I made a decision, for better or worse, this is the last year I am going to be a powerful parthenoi.
I used my virginity as a character building exercise, and a way to get into the mindset of what it is like to be a virgin out in our society today. Now, I know. I am ready for something else, and to explore the different aspects there are of human interaction.
Last week, an old friend came into town. She has always been my virginity mentor/sympathizer. At 32 she is still a virgin, and confesses to not understand ‘how things work down there’. Like me, she doesn’t like the idea of having to be ‘penetrated’ as it were.
The Ancient Greeks have a concept about the body, the outside of the skin is profane, and dirty, but the inside is mysterious and sacred. This is why virginity in females was so coveted and honored in their religious beliefs.
Artemis and I have issues with things piercing our bodies. I find it very nice to not deal with having to be penetrated, and communicating and relating on a more profane level, rather than bringing in the sacredness of intercourse. I suppose I am ready for the sacred acts which most mortals participate, and I am ready to find myself in a compromising position, as it were.
Last night I had a chat with two fellow virgin women, one 28 the other 33, the 33 year old happens to be my sister. If we were in ancient Rome we could be honored Vestal Virgins, but in other periods we would be considered the dreaded “spinster”. My sister refuses to allow me a cat for this specific reason though she cites imaginary allergies. The conversation was about how they had achieved a sort of peace about their situations, and how they have accepted it. At their core they are ready to just let the world bring what it may. I love this concept, and I love this idea, I have had these exact same feelings since I was 8 years old.
The world is what it is, and my life is full, happy, adventurous and exciting. It was on my 29th birthday that my feelings changed. I love my life, I love who I am, a unique, beautiful and intelligent yet kind of bat-shit crazy woman. What has started to bother me is the lack of knowledge. My life goal is to be smart, wise and experienced. So this is a part where I may be smart and a bit wise and experienced, but I want to explore it more, and I do not want to be ashamed of that.
I want to be more confident, and I will not be until I understand this part of humanity better, or at least, it couldn’t hurt. This is a part of my continuing education, and I need to approach it as such, now my goal is to find a teacher or tutor who can help with my education.
So, here are some of my experiences so far:
Hephaistos:
Let it be known that full time school and work at the same time SUCKS. It made me edgy, crazy, and anxious. I did it with flying colors, but DAMN. My first semester in school there was one boy in our class (eligible one that is), he would sit in the corner trying desperately to be quiet and invisible, but get so frustrated he would get up and dominate the class discussion each time. Smart and nerdy, I was definitely intrigued. After two more quarters I finally started to chat with him on facebook, and eventually asked him to coffee. (I am going to add in lots of my process and steps so you know exactly how not to date)
Our first meeting for coffee was a bit ridiculous. We got so lost in conversation that the shop closed while we were in it and they had to kick us out. Basically, at our first real encounter, I knew I really liked him, he’s sweet, funny, and we have a ton in common. However, I immediately noticed that I was incredibly not attracted to him. At all. It was sad, here is a perfectly amazing man, and I just wasn’t feeling the chemistry. Let’s all remember here, I am not looking for someone to marry, I am looking for someone to teach me the ways of a gorgeous sexual history.
As of right now, four months later, we are still casually dating; twice I’ve let him put his arm around me. I know, I’m pathetic. He’s awesome, but he’s not for me. I don’t want to hurt him, but he isn’t enough for me at the moment, and I am still looking around at the scenery for some kind of spark.
More to come later. Hephaistos is out of town for a few weeks, so we will see what kind of trouble I can get myself into.
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