Athena Tries to Date Part 1 of ?????

OK, so in view of my goals for the year I have taken action and joined an online dating site. My goals in this, at least 1 date per weekend, at least one second date with 25% of the men I meet, and obviously, to have sex.

Draw backs, general anxiety and WTF$#%# am I doing feeling constantly, also, have yet to get my tattoo. For years I have planned on getting the owl of Athena tattooed on me while I was still virgin as a symbol of something that has been a huge part of my life thus far. I have been ridiculously lazy about this, I need to just face the needle and get it over with (am I talking about the tattoo or the sex?!).

Anyways, as I have aforementioned, all the men I have been seeing this summer, I am done with. The ones who I am attracted to are flighty and unemployed, also not attracted to me, and the ones attracted to me, I am most definitely not attracted to. So, bring on the new crop.

So far, I have met with two guys. My first foray was a coffee date with a nice Hindi boy. Now, shame on me, because I met him on the conditions of friendship and not in a romantic expectation. This is me being a coward. He is a sweet boy, but when I say boy, I mean boy. He is tiny, short, and young. Also, he is apparently waiting for marriage to have sex. I am wasting my time and his, neither of us are interested in each other. However, he has a positive happy outlook, and his energy is a comfort to be around, so I made a decision to keep hanging out with him, we may not be a match, but he has a good energy, and I need positive energy in my life.

The other guy is a shy squirrel of a man. He is smart, well educated and traveled, but boy is he shy. We went for drinks the other night, and I must say he is quite cute, but his personality must have been dropped out the window during a road trip as a child, because I couldn't find it for the life of me. I asked him many many questions, but his answers were short and uninformative. We have much in common, but he did not seem to care, in fact, he did not seem to care about anything in particular for 90 minutes. Why is he on a dating site if not to talk to and meet women? I mean, HELLO?! I am here, and I am obviously interested, or else I would not have asked you to meet me, so open your goddamn mouth and say something, it could be the most boring thing in the world, I wouldn't care, as long as there is conversation, that is how to get to know someone!

Everyone, I apologize for that outburst, I do not intend for this to be a place for me to whine and bitch about men. In fact, this has taught me something, I am too shy and quiet myself. I suck at communication, obviously ;). But no, really, I am the worst with verbally communicating my needs and opening myself to other people. Yay! I am making progress!! Right? RIGHT?! ;)

Back to my quiet date, it is funny, it was 90 minutes before I was able to get him to put more than two words together. Then, miraculously, I brought up computer games. Wow. All of the sudden, Athena can't get a word in edgewise!! It was like I hit the start button, he became animated, open, honest, and even kind of funny. Now, I cannot spend the rest of my life, or really even fife more minutes with someone who is that quiet, but I am glad he eventually became at ease with me, and that I could see that side of the guy. Shyness often comes off as being arrogant, something I know to be careful of, I wish others could see how uncomfortable it makes people, but I, of all people, understand how hard it is to open up.

We all have things to work on. I need to work on not being a judgmental ass-hat, and give people the benefit of the doubt, and help them to come out of their shells, and show me who they really are.

2 dates down people! I've even seen the Hindi boy again, so that is one 2nd date for me! We have a few more lined up, Athena plans to have lots to tell.

Namaste, Bitches.
Athena

How to beat down the crap.

OK, enough of the depression crap, right? Whose tired of hearing about it? Because I'm tired of it too!

So, here's my tip.

Step 1: pick an up beat song, I like Zorba's dance from Zorba the Greek (Best kick yourself in the ass and live lif to the fullest movie EVER). Fun pop songs are also choice.

Step 2: Press play.

Step 3: Arms up! Not just a little, like crazy over your head, I recommend you not lock your elbows.

Step 4: Start to move your shoulders,let your head and upper body move with your shoulders, once you start moving with the rhythm you are ready for step 5.

Step 5: Close your eyes. Please please make sure all furniture and obstacles are out of the way BEFORE you do this, injuries have been known to occur at this point.

At this point you should also be well past euphoria, If not, look in a mirror, because lets be honest, you probably look pretty silly, and if that doesn't make you laugh, then I don't know what will. Maybe start jumping, and bending funny ways.

That's my fun way of dealing with the Devil. Any other suggestions?

Also, listening to Lady Gaga is pretty hilarious, love her, but seriously, what the hell is she talking about?

The cycle

I am hopeless at this whole relationship stuff. I meet someone I like, and I think, hey, this is a nice eligible guy, why would he not like me as well? I live in an endless cycle of unrequited desire and love.

Last year at this time, I met a nice guy, hit it off, it seemed like it could have really worked and been something great. He was single, I was single, we got along, had everything in common, but nothing ever happened. I guess he liked my friend instead, when she refused him, he threw us both over and began dating someone else.

I met another guy, so sweet, so nice, got along even better with him...he was married.

I met another guy, a co-worker, and again, so right. Laughing, drinking, having a blast together. Someone I could seem myself settling down with, unfortunately, I was a few months too late, he had gotten engaged a month before I met him, and is now settled with someone else.

This is the endless cycle, I am doomed to repeat.

But maybe this time will be different, maybe this time it will all work out! Lets be honest, if I think any differently, or take a less optimistic mindset I may as well just crawl into a hole and stay there, because what would be the point? No being optimistic is my only option, I may keep getting beaten down but I am sticking to it, something is bound to happen if I keep at it, right?

How old were you?

Seriously, how old is too old to be a virgin?

Its gotten to the point that I just avoid the subject with my general friends, and if I am really hounded I've started to lie, but only if no one in the group knows any better. But I never, NEVER tell co-workers, for some reason, even if I am really close to my co-workers, its not something I want people I work with knowing.

Example:

I was at happy hour once with all my work collegues from a school I was teaching at when they started revealing the ages they lost their virginity.

"Oh I was 16!"
"I was 13!"
"Well, I waited until I was 17!"

Then it was my turn, and everyone slowly started facing me and staring me down, like this would be the best piece of information they would ever get me to spill. So, I lied.

"Uh, I waited until I was 23."

OK, its not a complete lie, I was 23 when I first ended up in bed with someone for a hot makeout session in which I promptly left once he fell asleep, it was the closest I have ever come, and probably the closest I'll get for the meantime. Lets say it was just fudging the truth a bit...right?

Well, after I heard their reactions, I've never been so relieved to have lied before in my life!

"Holy shit! you were 23! how did you wait that long!?"
"Geeze! Thats so old to be a virgin!"
"I can't believe you were 23!"

And you wonder why I don't tell the truth about it.

Its easy to get people to believe that I am not a virgin, because they assume that at my age I've had sex. Its just easier to let them believe. Because being a virgin doesn't affect the way I conduct myself at work, it doesn't affect my work ethic, I am a damn good employee, and a considerate co-worker. My sexual activities don't have any role in my workplace. And being a virgin doesn't make me innocent, and it doesn't mean I am naive or ignorant. I am open and adventurous. Just a normal woman, who hasn't been in a situation where she was comfortable enough to have sex.

What about you? How old were you?

Thena

Kissy Kissy

OK, Lets start with the basics. Kissing. I want to know about your first kiss.

Here's my story:

I was twenty before I had my first kiss. I mean, I had the usual truth or dare, kissy kissy with the neighbour kids when I was young, but my first real kiss didn't happen until college.

He was beautiful, right out of a Jane Austen novel, lets call him Paris. Now Paris didn't have much in the personality department, buthe was a nice guy. One night, Paris came over to my dorm room to help me with an arts and craft project, and to watch a movie. I can't remember the movie, but I remember the arts and craft project, naughty coasters with pictures from erotic Greek pottery. (Too obvious?) Hey, it worked.

Afterwards, Paris returned to his dorm room, and that was that, I didn't call, he didn't call, it just didn't seem worth pursuing. Again, nice guy, but not much there.

We did end up making out a year later as well. He was giving me a backrub during a movie and it seemed a natural progression, especially after the boxes of wine we had drunk. Of course, it’s me, so what happened? Right as we were getting comfy on the couch, my mother called. Again, we said we would call each other, but neither of us really wanted to.

I remember calling a friend at home and telling her how excited I was that I had my first kiss, but that I didn't really care if he called or anything came of it. She immediately jumped down my throat that she couldn't believe that I could kiss anyone I didn't respect or wasn't crazy about. What do you think?

I think it was a nice situation, no pressure, just a nice moment. Paris was at heart a good guy, I wasn't interested enough to try to have a relationship with him, but if I was, I don't think we would have even gotten to the kissing stage. No, Paris was a good first kiss. He was everything I wanted and needed in it.

All in all, Paris' kisses, 8 out of 10.

What’s your story? Tell me about your first kiss.

Athena

The Lost Virgin

Dear interweb,

Two questions, how old were you when you lost your virginity? Also, what age is too old to be a virgin?

I need some help. I'm nearing 30, and a virgin. My luck with men and romantic situations is nil. For some reason I can't get past a certain point. This is an old routine, and I need some help here to move on.

This is a blog of comic romantic errors. Need some laughs and a boost to how you see your own life? Then I can help you!

So, what about you? What are your stories? Any words of advice for a trainwreck?

Athena